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[philomathean]

unscreened. assume messages are private, unless otherwise noted.

Comments

DM, 7/27

[rainbowfish]

You feeling better?

DM, 7/27

[philomathean]

I had a dream that I could only communicate in some form of elvish and you were the only one who could understand me. But every time someone asked you what I was trying to say, you'd just go, "None of your business."

Been having a lot of weird dreams.

unsent DM, but saved to his drafts, 7/26 at 3:45 AM

[nolitangere]

I have something to say that I don't think you'll like.

When we first started out, I made a promise to you (that I didn't tell you about) that I wouldn't make your life unduly complicated or harder than it needed to be. Mostly I was concerned with fitting in here at Enodia, not being a nuisance or causing trouble, and convincing your friends that I was an unobjectionable partner. Clearly, I've failed at all those things. But the worst thing I've done is allow the way I feel about you to change when I said it shouldn't and wouldn't. [...] You just make me feel good about myself in a way I haven't felt in a long time. I'm sorry.

Sometimes I get the sense that the way you feel about me has changed, too. That you're more curious about me as a person, not just because you need to know what I do or don't eat for the purpose of maintaining appearances. When we were camping, it seemed like you wanted me to touch you. I don't think you'd actually like that, though. You'd have fun and maybe your curiosity would be sated, but I think if you actually knew what goes on in my head, you wouldn't like me very much at all. I think you'd find me contemptible, actually. That's how I feel about myself, and I know we see things the same way.

Anyway, I'm almost positive you're only truly attracted to people you believe are capable of hurting you emotionally. I know my dataset is limited—Jeremy and Cassandra, and the other Joshua you used to work with—but I think I'm right about this. Which makes my situation even funnier, because we both know there's absolutely nothing I could ever do to genuinely hurt you the way they could. I don't have that kind of hold over you. And even if I did, why would I ever want to be in that position? I wish there was some way for you to want me because you believed I could be good for you. But that's a disgusting and selfish thing for me to say. I'm trying to stop.

I'm not actually high right now if you can believe it. If I was, I'd probably be typing you something funnier to read. Please find someone soon, Annie. I don't foresee that actually changing how I feel, but this will all be easier for me to manage once I understand there's no reason for me to entertain any sense of hope.

DM, 7/28 mid-morning

[nolitangere]

How's it going? Feeling normal again?

Montreal planning is coming along smoothly. [...] [...] [...] I made a playlist for the drive, let me know what you think?

DM, 7/28 evening

[philomathean]

Not so tired. Still dreaming vividly.

[...] Am I supposed to listen to this before our drive or pretend that I haven't already?

DM, 7/30

[nolitangere]

So […] the apartments aren’t bugged, right? Because otherwise, Michaela Glass or, idk, Amy Klobuchar are going to have one really interesting conversation to parse through from Friday evening.

Not complaining, though. That was […] fun for me. […] Was it fun for you?

DM, 7/30

[philomathean]

Whatever intern is responsible for transcribing those recordings must be having a hell of a time with the wrylies.

Very fun. […] And unexpectedly satisfying. Was it for you? More satisfying than frustrating?

DM, 8/2

[chillpills]

Annie. You are engaged?

DM, 8/2

[philomathean]

Lucia! You’re back! Yes, I am. You’ll like him. Maybe you’ve crossed paths with him in Medical. Jack Jung?

DM, 8/5 (before the mission)

[nolitangere]

Be careful out there, Annie. […] You’ve been a hero the last few expeditions, and I’m not telling you to be anything but yourself, but please be safe and please come home back soon. I’m saying this because the Explorer shit you do really worries me, and not just because I’m tryna hit.

[…] But on that topic, here’s the playlist I kind of jokingly made for what was supposed to be our Montreal trip starting yesterday. It’s really bad, I know. I’m calling it a joke but there’s a 13% chance I’m not joking. Anyway, come back soon so you can kill me for subjecting you to it.

DM, 8/5 (before the mission)

[philomathean]

I'm sorry to worry you! I've packed my lucky compass to guide my team well and to guide me safely back to you. It's probably nothing. Human mimicry is a somewhat common liminal mutation. I bet it's just a squirrel screaming because it's pissed off for no reason, as they're wont to do. But, in case it's not nothing, I have to go.

This looks very bad. Can't wait to listen 😈 Talk soon!

DM, 8/10

[nolitangere]

Sext: https://twitter.com/NewYorker/status/1689335462626791424?s=20

DM, 8/10

[philomathean]

God, yes, please don't stop sending me niche think pieces. Just like that 🥵 🥵 🥵

This was so interesting! Do you think this makes me a true crime girly?

"The novel has a spoken quality that is meant to communicate the unreliability of memory and the fact that people tend to misunderstand one another far more often than they do the opposite. Katz is particularly attentive to this feature of Dostoyevsky’s prose. His is, by my estimation, the voiciest translation of the novel thus far."

Did Katz write this translation just for meee?? [...] Hey, when you read is there a voice in your head?

DM, 8/12

[rainbowfish]

Are you going to the thing at the restaurant tonight?

DM, 8/12

[philomathean]

Mhmm!

DM, 8/13

[nolitangere]

[...] Okay, here goes nothing it is:



Friday - Aug 18

Arrive in Montreal around 8:00 PM.

Check in at the hotel. (Please don't get mad. The smaller penthouse was genuinely the only thing available.)

Late dinner and drinks.

Saturday - Aug 19

Late-morning celebration of entomophilia or research. (Entirely optional per the whims of our evil inner voices.)

Walk around/people watch in Mile End.

• Get involved in a bagel war.
• Play a weird-in-a-good-way human dress-up game at these two shops. (There are definitely other vintage stores in the neighborhood, but these two have the most formal-looking clothes as far as I can tell.)
• Share an ice cream.
• Go to this very good bookstore.

Have our fancy person dinner with snooty waiters.

Sunday - Aug 20

Check out of hotel by 11:00 AM (or spring for late check-out at 1:00 PM.)

Walking brunch.

Walk around/people watch in Old Montreal.

• Notre-Dame Basilica.
• Saint Patrick's Basilica.
• (Not sure why I'm so interested in basilicas.)
• Cafe with the best ceiling in Montreal.
• Unfortunately, the Montreal World Trade Center has a cool underground portion.

Watch the sunset at 7:55 PM. (This is the exact time.)

Goodbye, Montreal.

But not without a pitstop. (We will be corny and take pictures in front of the giant iconic tourist trap.)

Notes

We'll have my car, but bring comfortable shoes/sandals because we'll be walking a lot and taking public transportation. Apparently, there are cool stained glass windows only visible below ground in the Montreal Metro.

The only bullet points I'm insisting on are fancy person dinner (which we agreed on) and watching the sunset. Consider everything else an idea if we feel like leaving the hotel.

Please pack the green dressing gown.

I'll pack the other essentials. 👍

Thank you.

DM, 8/13

[philomathean]

Jack, this is the most certain I have ever been that you really are a Psyop. You have crafted, quite literally, a perfect weekend. An entomophilia exhibit?? So much stained glass!! Sunsets! Public transportation! Religious fervor! Open air markets! A hotel room with a dining room table 👀

I am feverish with excitement. I don't even care if you were sent by the government. Joke's on them! I'm living the dream.

DM, 8/17

[rainbowfish]

Have fun? Good luck? I don't know what to say to someone who's eloping.

DM, 8/17

[philomathean]

Drop the question marks and I think you've got it.

Thank you, Raine. [...] Sorry I just kind of sprung it on you like that.

Left for Annie, 8/17 morning

[imaginist]

[In a small jewelry box is a crystal wreath brooch, in blue and gold. Included is a folded note:]

This was the best I could do on such short notice. Not quite your style, but it is both old and blue, and arguably borrowed, if you want to return it. I endeavour to be efficient.

Enoch

Text, 8/21

[nolitangere]

Good morning. We're now able to message each other freely, although just to be safe I'll send plan-sensitive messages over text vs. station DM, so only Mr. T-Mobile can see what we want to blow up versus Uncle Sam. And what do we want to blow up?

Also: morning listening for you. Sorry I had to run earlier, Pendergrass wanted me in but I guess I was the last person to know. There's coffee and 2 soft-boiled eggs on the counter for you.

Text, 8/21

[philomathean]

Similar to how I feel about the butterfly effect, I think I could defeat T-Mobile if I had to. I'm actually not sure yet. A larger project, definitely. Although I'm not sure what your limits are. It felt like it was [...] intense for you, last time.

I just did one of those cinematic princess waking up in bed stretches. You make me so happy ☀️ I was a little worried I wasn't going to get anymore playlists now that you can just feed me psyche soup straight from the cauldron. Thank you, Jack.

Tell Pendergrass that I'm sorry! But do it with a cheeky little smile that means, "No, she's not."

delivery for the (temporary) resident of Medical Observation Bay 2 Room 4, 8/26

[nolitangere]

A beat-up, 24oz Stanley thermos filled with mushroom soft tofu stew, two bags of fruit jelly candies, a box of ginseng tea sachets, three washed plums, and a card. The card reads:

Hoping you'll get so enraged at this fascistic get well soon card you'll either bust out of your observation bay to come kill me or go Super Saiyan and make a full recovery instantly. Also, I saw that honey mustard chicken was on the patient menu today and I know that chicken is as hard as a stone, so here's something that you'll find more palatable, hopefully.

Feel better soon, Annie. Concussions suck. Tussy is very forlorn, and I miss you.

- Jack

DM 8/26

[crawlwaller]

Hey I just heard Congratulations!

DM 8/26

[philomathean]

Awww, thank you, Linus! Have you been chatting with Jack or is the rumor mill abuzz?

DM, 8/28

[nolitangere]

Since we’ve gotten to this point, I’ll be upfront and say I don’t think you’re a lame af no game woman by any means, I just have a hard time with that. Like it’s never worked for me, it’s literally like this. (I’m doing the thing where I’m trying to be funny to make things less awkward, but I am also serious.) My mind goes everywhere but the other person’s mind doesn’t, so I try to keep my mind from going everywhere so it’s not weird, and then I end up psyching myself out. I’m just saying this so you don’t hurt your jaw on account of me, totally fine to tap out. I’m sure your techniques are very killer. And we don’t have to have a big discussion, this is just a PSA.

DM, 8/28

[philomathean]

Okie dokie. […] Okie dokie? Wth, Annie. That’s okay. Thank you for telling me. I feel pretty confident that what we have going on is different than what you had going on with fucking Neck Tat Kevin and his ilk other people, but if you’re not enjoying yourself, it won’t offend me if you ask me to stop.

dm 8.29

[readjusting]

dont tell him i said it but jacks p cool

dm 8.29

[philomathean]

I KNOW!!! I’m glad you agree and I’m not completely crazy. […] Haha yeah, he has a good heart but he thinks he hates it when people are too nice to him, so we can keep it between us.

DM, 9/1, 2:42 AM

[nolitangere]

Annie, I am so sorry. I lost track of time practicing, incredibly bad timing with those people missing. I hope you didn’t worry, I’m honestly just stupid and got too focused.

I’ll make it up to you, I know we had plans. I don’t want to wake you up and I have an early meeting in a few hours so when you read this, I slept on the couch. I’ll see you tonight and I’ll make dinner and we’ll do whatever you want to do and I’ll buy you flowers and I don’t know what happened it’s like I fell asleep while I was awake. I’m sorry.

DM, 9/1, 7:30am

[philomathean]

Good morning ☀️ […..] It’s okay. I’m glad you’re alright. Just come to bed next time if you’re ever out late and I’ve already turned in for the night.

I hope you’re not too tired this morning. Do you want me to bring you a coffee on my way into work?

Left for Jack & Annie outside their apartment, Sunday evening

[rainbowfish]

A pair of matching travel mugs from the Met, a variety of fresh baked goods, and a party mouse birthday card for Annie.

DM, 9/4 at 11:00 PM sharp

[nolitangere]

Look at this playlist.

Now look up.

[OOC: Should Annie choose to look up at this moment, she will see Jack doing the Risky Business slide in front of her—pretty slick! Until he crashes into a side table.]

DM, 9/4 at 11:00 PM sharp

[philomathean]

DM, 9/6

[nolitangere]

Oh no, I dropped this link right in Annie's inbox, I hope she doesn't see it! [...] Nah. Way too fucking soon. Quit being painfully clear about your feelings a month into dating, you're scaring the hoes.

[...]

Hey, just wanted to let you know I'm taking tomorrow afternoon and Friday off. I'm getting a CT scan done tomorrow and a lumbar puncture Friday morning,* so Friday afternoon I was thinking of vacuuming and running errands. I'm going to take the big comforter to the laundromat in Colchester, do you want anything from the natural food market while I'm there?

*I'm fine, just having these procedures done to confirm I'm fine.

DM, 9/6

[philomathean]

Hi, hello, hey! Um. That sounds serious and not routine. Can I Do you want me to come with you to either appointment?

Personal email, 9/9

[nolitangere]

As promised, my psychoanalytic report on your LOTR thoughts, and a sneak preview of my Boston trip with Whit. Refer to Section I of this document for psychological findings; refer to Section II for Boston itinerary.

SECTION I
You have been diagnosed as ... an Aragorn Girl. This diagnosis is based on the 0.4 BPM increase in your heart rate when he first removed his hood in Bree. Other observations in support of this diagnosis: 1) thinking, 'he could toss his apple at me any day'; 2) particular focus paid to how gently he handled his horse; 3) one not-fully-formed, imprecise realization that both Viggo Mortensen and I have eyebrows that are kind of barely there.

Aragorn Girls are independent yet crave a firm, guiding hand in certain situations. They find it attractive when a prospective romantic partner is largely self-sufficient yet require said prospective romantic partner to become grievously injured at least once every three films (e.g., from crashing into a side table or falling off a cliff), such that prospective romantic partner must receive an Aragorn Girl's care. Aragorn Girls are loyal and expect loyalty in return. They are fair-minded, are plagued by dark visions of the future, and own Clinique Black Honey lip balm.

SECTION II
I'm taking Whit to dim sum for brunch and Thai tapas for afternoon exhaustion meal. I threw in some streetwear stores, but I really think we'll have the most luck at Nordstrom Rack. That's where I'm planning to get stuff for Chuseok, at least. And I'll also be on the lookout for things for you, but you don't have to know that.

re: Personal email, 9/9

[philomathean]

Oh, a letter! 🥰

SECTION I
Correct again. Of course, I already knew about my terminal Aragorn Girl diagnosis. (Even Evan did, it seems.) But it's a treat to see myself through your eyes and mind, so thank you. I particularly like the not-fully-formed, imprecise observation about your eyebrows. I have noticed that since re-meeting you my metric for attraction is really just a measure of how similar someone looks to you.

I haven't forgotten that you said it would turn you into Raskolnikov if I took care of you. But you don't hate it so much, do you? I'm not calling you a liar. Things change. I believe that's the same conversation where I said I didn't want to touch you in a horny way. (I was actually lying though.)

Anyway, thank you for noting my loyalty and fair-mindedness. I do pride myself on those things. This you?

SECTION II
That sounds fun. And tasty. You should treat yourself to some new shoes and see if you can find any funny birds; I've overrun your instagram. Not that I mind, really. Grace, Keyu, and the Angels can stew on it.

When are you going, exactly? And do these times work for you? I can buy the tickets today. [Link to Amtrak tickets.]

Sexvingtuplet+ set of texts throughout the day, 9/17

[nolitangere]

[1] [A selfie of Jack and Whit eating dim sum. Jack is pouting; Whit looks he was barely a second away from having his picture taken unawares.] All these dumplings and no you. So sad.

[2] [Fitting room selfie of Jack in an outfit from Primark.] Iiiiiii'm not pulling this off. Sorry to the great Republic of Ireland.

[3] [Fitting room selfie from an expensive hypebeast store. Basically this.] ONE MILLION LAYERS!!!!!

[4] [Now he's at Nordstrom Rack. Ostensibly he's just trying on deeply discounted swim trunks, except both his boxers and the swim trunks are slung so low on his hips that this selfie could almost be rated as a nude by the Motion Picture Association of America.]
[5] ???? Who sent that?

[6] [Faux-moody portrait at the wannabe backwoodsman store, courtesy of Whit.] Guy in your MFA. Would still hit y/n?

[7] [A video of Whit walking into Uniqlo for the first time. Obviously a momentous occasion.]

[8] [Mirror selfie of Jack and Whit decked out in Vans and Carhartt, mean-muggin' for the camera.] 🔥🔥🔥

[9] [A selfie of Jack and Whit at a Thai restaurant. Jack is making an exaggerated face of pain; Whit is caught mid-realization that this one is a funny photo.]

[10] [Mirror selfie of Jack in a giant faux fur coat.] Hereafter, you may address me as "Jacklemore."

[11] HEADING HOME. Got a text saying Ernestine is having a little party, have fun! Going to get a headstart on cleaning her room.

Replies to sexvingtuplet+ set of texts throughout the day, 9/17

[philomathean]

[0] [A selfie of Annie and unidentifiable cat blur. Annie is wearing one of Jack's t-shirts, clearly still in bed.] Good morning ☀️ Drive safe! Send lots of pictures and keep your screen to yourself. (Tussy is shy.)

[0.5] [An ostensibly sexy selfie, if you're into Winnie-the-Pooh. A mirror selfie of Annie brushing her teeth in just Jack's t-shirt] Honestly, don't even think I'd care if you're a 🍯 at this point. I 💛 Hunny!

[1] [A staged selfie of Annie eating a sad looking breakfast in her Birthday 2 Gloating Hat.] Jealous :(

[2] [Just this]

[3] [Hit 'em with the HAHA react] Cozy!

[4] [A screenshot zoomed in super close on Jack's V-lines and doodled over with little hearts and red lips, followed by a truly deranged series of hype man texts that go on for just a little too long.]
[5] 🥵🥵🥵 / You're so fucking hot / WOW 😍 / 🗣 WOULD SMASH! / Will smash!! / Can't WAIT to smash!!! / I'm SO into you 🥰 / AHHH!!!! / Okay, now show feet. / Just kidding haha / Unless... / Have fun! Very excited to see you tonight 💋🦋

[6] Unfortunately, enthusiastically, yes.

[7] You made it! Woo!! I've gotta get going for a bit, but keep 'em coming.

[8,9,10] [Replies taper off to HAHA and ❤️ reacts for awhile.]

[11] VERY WEIRD DAY OVER HERE. Once again, drive safe! Let me know when you make it back. Come scoop me up from the Rec. Center when you're done?

DM, 10/13

[rainbowfish]

I need help with something Halloween-related.

Text: 2/23

[nolitangere]

Guess what today is? The one-year anniversary of the day I Googled "how to burn off fingerprints?" and panic-bought 3 pairs of work gloves at Home Depot after we discussed you know what.

I was going through some of my old notes during a slow period at the clinic last night and found some funny things. I present to you "Songs I Almost Sent Annie But Ended Up Not Sending Her."

Have a good first day of work back at Evil, Inc., Annie. Girl dinner will be waiting for you tonight.

[nolitangere]

Do you know what time it is

[philomathean]

No, I don't. The Tito Time meeting schedule was never made public to me. A fact that I am not bitter about at all.