philomathean | IC SPAM

Yes. I have my limits. No one will believe I passed up the opportunity to wear a pretty dress and be the center of attention. I don't need bridesmaids though. That part was a joke. And we can say we said our vows in an intimate, private ceremony.

I guess I just want to be composed of the highest bug to human ratio possible. I'm like Spiders Georg for cochineal.

[...]

What's that supposed to mean?

Edited (Annie thinks her 'relationship' with Jeremy Hyslop (imagine Jack Harlow in the new White Men Can't Jump) was a well-kept secret ) 2023-05-22 03:27 (UTC)

I guess I’ll go method with this and go along with whatever you want to do. Just tell me where to stand.

Committing this to memory, too. Very eco-friendly of you to go for bug protein though, considering the emissions from the meat industry.

Idk, didn’t you have that thing with the guy with the messy chinstrap? I forget his name. But you always sat on the opposite side of the cafeteria from him and both you guys were in front of me. And sometimes you’d be looking at him like you were the Master and he was Margarita. And he’d be exploding his bag of chocolate milk. Was that something different?

Edited (Just spitballin here trying to add to the rich tapestry of Jeremy Hyslop) 2023-05-22 03:46 (UTC)

If you give me your measurements, I'll thrift you a suit and have it tailored.

Oh really? The meat industry is bad for the environment. What? Is it all the methane?

Okay, his name was Jeremy, for one. And for two, if we're being honest and accurate, I was the Margarita and he was the Master. (I did pick him up from police custody one time. He was only being detained, relax.) Three, those milk bags were hard to open. Most importantly, FOUR -- he had a deep voice and was good at basketball.

[…] I’ve never had my measurements taken. I have a large Express slim fit suit, I just pin the waist. Does that work?

And fine, right, okay, you’re the expert. I’m backing off.

You don’t have to justify Chinstrap Jeremy to me, no judgment here. ~~Maybe a little.~~ I didn’t know you liked basketball, though. […] If you’re a Rockets fan, we may have marital strife.

You have to pin the waist of your slim fit suit? Okay, Dorito Boy. We hear you loud and clear.

No, sorry. I'm just sensitive about 'doing enough,' you know?

Oh? Am I going to have to track your moods based on your favorite teams' win-loss records? (I'm a Nuggets fan.)

That’s not what I meant. And now I’m definitely not going to share my measurements with you.

I know. […] But I think you’re doing enough. […] It’s kind of why we’re going to go through with all this.

And fortunately for you my mood is very stable because the Lakers are the greatest team of all time and they never lose! (The Nuggets are acceptable. Jokić is like a large beautiful son to me.)

Hmm. I could probably guess.

Not to be sappy, but I couldn't do it without you.

I hate* to break it to you... the Lakers lost to the Nuggets last night.

*And by hate I mean love.

I’ll handle my suit. Because you have so much on your plate already. ✌️

Haha […] Do you remember when we made that weird "retvrn" eco-fascist delete their account? We work well together from time to time, I guess. And like I said, the statute of limitations is just 8 years so we only need to hold tight until […] 2031.

Early wedding present. Mood very stable. 🙂

I suppose I do. Should we give everyone a few weeks to get used to us being together or do we just spring a wedding on them and gaslight them into thinking it’s normal?

Damn, we really went hard in the paint, didn’t we?

Last question, are we pet names people or no? I am but nobody here would know that about me, besides maybe Isaiah, so that doesn’t need to factor in.

Not sure. I know Crysta won't care and the new people who don't know us won't think it's odd, either. But your colleagues and [...] our high school classmates, that's who I'm worried about.

When I was Googling everything, I learned the statute of limitations for citizenship fraud is 10 years and theft of major artworks is 20. We're kind of mid tbh.

Technically speaking, haven't we been calling each other pet names for years? [...] Did you call Chinstrap Chinstrap or was he your Big Baller 💕

Honestly, I'm really only worried about Isaiah. I don't think he'll be suspicious, necessarily, but he'll have a lot of questions. I'm going to send you an invite to a shared note so we can keep track of everything. I think you should propose to me soon. (Or I suppose I could propose to you, if you'd prefer.) That way we'll both remember the day.

Well, the statute will reset ~~when~~ if we do another one, so we could be calling each other pet names for a long, long time. [...] I WISH I'd had the guts to call Jeremy my Big Baller in front of everyone. A power move beyond high school Annie's wildest dreams.

No preference. But I guess it seems like a more cohesive romantic narrative if I moved across the country to propose to you?

Wait until we actually have the marriage certificate in hand before any "another one" talk. "Marital communications are only presumed confidential if they're made during the marriage." Per the Goodwin, Watkins, and Vaughan Law Blog.

You can call me Big Baller lmfao. I kicked ass at basketball ~~in fourth grade~~. Or is it only personally gratifying if the Big Baller in question isn't expecting to be called that?

That's what I was thinking. I'll act surprised.

🤐 🤐 🤐

I feel like you don't think I'll actually do it but I am much braver now than I used to be. [...] Do you miss playing?

Okay. Can you put your favorite flowers, food, and music into the shared note? I think that's it for now.

~~Yes~~ It's whatever. The chances of me going pro were low to zero, so it doesn't really matter. Do you play or are you more into spectating? Did Chinstrap ever go anywhere with basketball?

So, you’re one of those good boyfriends that remembers that kind of stuff, huh? What a treat! I was thinking more along the lines of ‘Our first date was on FaceTime and he was late but I gave him another chance.’

Wow. That ‘whatever’ was so potent. There’s supposed to be a Rec. Fair tomorrow. You should see if anyone wants to start a pickup league. What’s the worst that could happen? I’d play although my spectating skills far surpass my ball handling. I think Jeremy would agree. One of the many reasons we don’t speak anymore!

I just figured for the proposal you wouldn't realistically say yes to anything less than "acceptably romantic."

[...] When I said I was hands-free I really meant it. But I'll watch or cheer you on if you end up playing. [...] Also, I know you didn't mean that as a double-entendre but lmfao.

Oh, it doesn’t need to be a whole thing. That’s sweet of you though. You really are a nice guy, aren’t you?

I don’t mean to presume your experience but … is this like an Edward Cullen situation?

And I did mean it as a double entendre, but I just said it for the cheap laughs. Not based on true events.

You don't want to post pictures or anything? One of us should. We can put them on my IG.

LMFAO wow. Kinda. The abbreviated version is: only if I'm touching someone, but every single time. And idk, if you were playing pickup ball and whenever you bumped shoulders with that Jack guy he was in your head like the eye of Sauron, wouldn't you hate that? There are other things too that I learned how to control in school, but there's still a nonzero chance I could really fuck someone up on accident. So you know. [...] But that's it.

No, you’re right. That’s a good idea. Maybe I can soft launch us with a story featuring your cats.

Does it hurt? I mean, the other person. Do they emerge from the shoulder brush all clammy and choleraic like Frodo on the banks of the Bruinen? Or can they not tell […] that you’re using an ability on them?

[...] Nobody's ever told me it hurts. I think I'm just there. [...] But they can tell because they can see into my head, too. Palantirs go two ways, that kind of thing.

It's really obvious when it happens, like jarring. You'd know, so don't worry. And I usually have a song in my head to make it less creepy. And I'm going to stay out of your way. It's really rare that I touch someone on accident now, I'm really good at avoiding that kind of thing.

[...]

But like I said before, if you want to back out, no hard feelings.

I’m not going to back out over something like that. My mental fortitude is that of Samwise Gamgee and my respect for boundaries rivals Aragorn son of Arathorn’s. And now I will stop speaking in Lord of the Rings references.

[…] Have you ever linked up with someone for fun? You can tell me to buzz off. I’m just curious.

One more question is fine. But I need to feed my cats and then I'm going for a run.

I don't think it's fun. So no. Kind of a boring answer but there you have it.

Was that my one question? Or can I ask one more?

Whatever, I'm asking.

What are your cats' names?

Maria Spiridonova and Mr. Rupert Baby. I was going to name Rupe Mostafa Tolba but he's kind of dumb, and naming a dumb cat after a brilliant man felt like a microaggression.

See ya around ✌️ Don't forget the note.

Lol this is so wild.

Have a nice run, Jack! 👋
I won't.

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